I'm just trying to explain.

05:10     7:12 pm

I have moved to inanism.tumblr.com !!!
It’s a work in progress but I would be really thankful if you followed me on there!!!

There’s an ache inside of me, and I’m naming it after you. I know that’s not fair, but what else could ever fit the enormity of something like this? The first time we saw each other after you left, it was through a window while you were falling in love with someone else over dinner at a restaurant. You sat in our booth and the look in your eyes when you saw me said, ‘I’m sorry you had to see me like this, but this is who I am now. Someone who doesn’t come back home to you.’ I walked to my apartment in silence and wrote a poem to the dead about a soldier’s last words at war. Tried my best not to make them my own. After a few weeks of my body shutting down too often, I built a new heart out of old airplane engines. Waited for something in me to take flight. Waited for it to land somewhere other than you.
— Y.Z, ready for take off (via rustyvoices)
03:10     10:29 am
03:10     10:29 am
The dark. The light. The glimmer from the moon. It was all him.
The shade of the sea matched his eyes.
The sun had that glimmer of his skin.
Touching him was like touching fire, I knew I’d get burnt but I never wanted to let go.
But, like a match, he burned out into smoke and left me behind, alone in the ashes of our memories.
03:10     10:28 am
there are approximately 382 kinds of love. you only know one of them. and somehow that is enough.
03:10     10:27 am
1. You always used to ask why I wrote about him instead of you. The truth is: you’re worth more than exploitations with ink.
2. I wanted to choose you. I made a mistake and I’m so sorry.
3. Your voice is still fresh in my brain. I can remember everything you’ve said, from “I’m crazy about you” to “fuck you”.
4. Promise me that you’ll look for me in the city. I’ll be waiting on 42nd street for you one day.
5. I always look for you.
6. I chose the safe decision over the right decision.
7. I can imagine us running into each other a year from now in a downtown coffee shop. I would still kiss you.
8. I think of you when I touch his face.
9. I would be laying next to you tonight if I could erase the miles between us.
10. Can you promise me that you won’t tell anyone what I’ve said after 2 AM?
11. It’s ironic that you call me late at night and confess everything that I’ve always wanted to tell you.
12. The thought of you with anyone else makes me want to put my fist through a wall. I’m a hypocrite, I know.
13. I’m going to make things right. I don’t know how but I will. I just hope it won’t be too late.
14. I don’t deserve you.
15. I wish you would tell me to choose you. But you won’t.
— You said I never wrote about you.
09:09     11:00 pm

Remember that you are his rock. You are the sturdy boulder in his life that he will lean on again and again. If he throws you into his fires, you will turn red but you cannot crumble, because he needs you. You know the last thing he wants is to be reminded that there is a wildfire inside of him.

Remember to undress him slowly and tell him that if anything happened to him, you don’t know what you would do with yourself. He’ll listen to you because he adores you. He would rather lose himself before he lost you.

Remember to let him explore you. Slip into the shower with him at 4 AM and let him touch the curve of your spine. He wants you more than anything and you need to let him have you.

Remember that he’ll promise to take you everywhere he goes, because he can’t imagine a place where you’re not at his side.

Remember that once he takes you into the abyss with him, there is no way out.

Remember that he’ll kiss the scars on your thighs and lick the sweat off your skin. You are his medication, but you can’t let him know that. Let him believe that he is healing you while you’re healing him.

Remember that he’ll tell you that he hates what his father did to his mother. Make sure you tell him that he isn’t living in the shadow of a stranger.

Remember that he’ll taste like alcohol and you won’t be able to tell what is more bitter: his mouth or his words. Just remind yourself that all he has is you and if he sees that—he won’t be able to come back.

Remember that some nights he’ll come home covered in bruises and tell you that he wants to marry you. Pour him a glass of his favorite whiskey before you bring out the first-aid kit. You are not allowed to fight for him, but you can fix him.

Remember to dance with him when he can’t drink anymore. Put your arms around him and sway slowly to the first song that comes on. Drive him dizzy by moving your hips. Bring him in closer and remind him that you are his and that is all you will ever be.

Remember that he will try to bleed himself dry to keep his promises to you. Do not let him. The only thing worse than broken promises is a broken man.

Remember to love him as if he is made of glass. But if he decides to shove you up against a wall, make sure to fuck him raw. Make him believe that everything you give him in that moment is his to keep.

Remember to love him when he needs you.
30:08     4:14 pm

I know you’ve warned me
that I’ll get burned trying to put out the fire in your belly,
but I can’t see myself getting burned any other way.

You keep telling me that you’re bad for me and I understand that.
But understand,
you can use my heart as your home.

No one has been there in a long time.

30:08     12:46 am

You told me that you can’t stop thinking about my face.
Ever since we met,
you swear that galaxies exist in my eyes,
and Earth orbits through the spaces between my fingers.

And baby,
I know how you must feel
ever since that night.

All I think about now is how I feel
when you shove me up against a wall.
Within a moment,
I swear that the mysteries of life gather in your eyes
and your innocence becomes as thin as your patience.

You have to be something special
because your chest feels like home, your mouth tastes like tongue-tied secrets,
and your hands fit perfectly around my neck.

I don’t know how long this will last,
but I hope that you hold on to us
as tightly as you held onto my hair.

And I’ll promise to pull you closer than I did last time.

28:08     3:12 am

All I had asked from you
was to never give up on me

But with every flaw of mine you encountered

I could feel your fingers
trying to untangle themselves from a web

That they had once so confidently created

27:06     9:52 pm